It has finally arrived. After weeks of anticipation and hype after San Deigo Comic Con and years of rumors and other hype after his first appearance in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The first Deadpool trailer has dropped, and we here at The NYRD have to admit that we are a little underwhelmed.
“I’ll take it from here.”
“What? How did you get in this office?”
*Sounds of a scuffle and duck tape ripping*
“Hi boys and girls, It’s your old pal here, the Merc with the Mouth, and first off let me say that it’s a little weird that this guy typed out the sound of me pulling back the hammer on Daisy… She’s my new favorite gun. Though I am impressed that you managed to write, Sounds of a scuffle and duck tape ripping.
“Shut up NYRD. I have the power now, the power of the written language… Also these guns… BANG… Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m not a killer.”
*Fingers crossed behind back*
“Why did I type that? Oh well. Anyway, I’m here today to say that my new trailer is like totally amaze-balls. Like… O… M… G, it is so totes hot right now. Hashtag Jon Stewart for Deadpool.
“This movie is going to have it all. Violence, comedy, fourth-wall breaking, fifth-wall breaking, violence. It’s rated R, folks. That means only people over eighteen and kids with fake ID’s.
*Puts hand to side of handsome face and whispers to the computer screen, which is odd because he is typing and not really talking at all, but just go with it.* “You know it’s going to happen.
“Forget everything you knew about Cryin Reynolds in X-Men Origins: Wolverine… ha, that’s cute. They thought they were going to get to do more of those abominations, but Daisy made sure that never happened. Didn’t you? Yes, whose a good gun? Whose a good gun?”
*Gun shot followed by a Wilhelm scream*
“Sorry. I’m sure the blood will wash out. The bullet won’t, but a little seltzer will take care of the stains and you’ll be fine. A lot of people only have one lung and no heart… Donald Trump for instance. Man, we are really going with topical humor today.”
“Mmm… Mmmmm… Mmmmm”
“No, your mother. Hey, I’m hungry. Do you want anything? Is there any place in this city to get some good shawarma? Nah, I’m kidding. Iron Man is a douche. I hope Captain America kicks his ass… What?… I can’t talk about them?… What do you mean I am getting sued? Well, it’s a good thing I keep the law firm of Daisy, Daisy, and Groin-Kick on retainer. They’ll be hearing from at least one of them soon.
“See you later, NYRDs. I’m going to take a long lunch. I have some court stuff to take care of, but after that I’ll come back and write an article on why the movie Ordinary Magic is a modern classic. I’ll do it through a nuanced and refined comparison to film noir and James Cameron’s Avatar, or maybe I’ll just kill you all. I haven’t decided yet. Either way, chimichangas here I come.”
“One more thing. For everyone at home, check out my trailer below, and the trailer that announces my trailer… Yeah I know, right, but that’s Hollywood for you. And they call me meta…”